I am Me…
“Hello, Tell me about yourself.”
I am me…
However, I haven’t quite felt like me in some time.
I can’t look in the mirror because I don’t know the person looking back at me.
The glimmer of hope in me dimmed and I can’t find the spark to ignite it.
Waking up each day not knowing if they will be better days.
Carrying a load of anger, unresolved trauma, with a dash of people-pleasing.
I am tired.
However, I am not quite ready to rid myself of me.
Because, I feel a new freedom I have never explored….uncharted waters.
I feel it when my head is silent.
It is like a whisper of hope, that better days are yet to come.
The uncharted water is inviting,
I put my foot in…
But the water turns turbulent.
I can’t seem to remove myself from the water.
I am a good swimmer.
But, I can’t seem to swim back to the shore.
I see people on the shore but they can’t see me being swallowed by the water.
I can’t call out for help.
The water has fully consumed me.
The water is cold….almost Icey.
It’s slowly taking my ability to feel.
But, I need to feel.
Because I am not quite ready to rid myself of me.
Because the uncharted waters cannot just be turbulent.
Sometimes when my thoughts are silent, I feel calm,
and a flicker of warmth.
I want the waters to consume me.