I am Me…

Ivy Gathu
2 min readJan 1, 2022
Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

“Hello, Tell me about yourself.”

I am me…

However, I haven’t quite felt like me in some time.

I can’t look in the mirror because I don’t know the person looking back at me.

The glimmer of hope dimmed, and I can’t find the spark to ignite it.

Waking up each day not knowing if they will be better days.

Carrying a load of anger, and unresolved trauma, with a dash of people-pleasing.

I am tired.

However, I am not quite ready to rid myself of me.

“Why?”

Because I feel a new freedom I have never explored….uncharted waters.

I feel it when my head is silent.

It is like a whisper of hope, that better days are yet to come.

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

The uncharted water is inviting,

I put my foot in…

But the water turns turbulent.

I can’t seem to remove myself from the water.

I am a good swimmer.

But, I can’t seem to swim back to the shore.

I see people on the shore but they can’t see me being swallowed by the water.

I can’t call out for help.

The water has fully consumed me.

The water is cold….almost Icey.

It’s slowly taking my ability to feel.

But, I need to feel.

Because I am not quite ready to rid myself of me.

“Why?”

Because the uncharted waters cannot just be turbulent.

Sometimes when my thoughts are silent, I feel calm,

and a flicker of warmth.

I want the water to consume me.

Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

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Ivy Gathu

Words inspired by my feelings on life, gender, sexual reproductive rights, mental health, youth 🤓